To Hold a Heart
Abuse is atrocious. It’s unfair, painful, destructive. Haunting. Sometimes daily. The kind of nightmare nobody can imagine unless they shared a similar experience. If you’re lucky abuse makes you stronger, teaches you some amazingly deep universal life lesson or evens out some messed up karma. I understand that like plants, human beings need some stress to grow stronger. I also understand that pain happens and does not need to turn into long term suffering.
So when all is done, when abuse is over and history is history, when healing has happened and the victim is a thriving survivor, the only thing worse than the abuse itself is someone telling you that it didn’t happen, that every story has two sides and that it may or may not be true.
Telling someone who is being truthful and who has nothing to gain by making up a bad story that we doubt them is like telling them that they were wrong to be victimized. It is victimizing them again. It is unfair, painful, destructive all over again.
When all we are asked to do is listen, what do we have to lose? When
- listening without judgement
- trusting and assuming that the story is true
- loving as if that person was whole and was never victimized and humiliated
goes such a long way towards healing.
So many of my clients have concluded an appointment with me by saying: “Thank you for hearing me.” or “Thank you for seeing me”. All it takes is to hold a heart. Lovingly and respectfully. What do you have to lose when so much stands to be gained?