When the integrity of who we are is raped or violated in any way, physically, emotionally, spiritually or psychologically, it sets us on a course:
- of wanting to hide the wound
- then the shame
- of wanting to hide the part of us that has become vulnerable because we think it is going to protect us to do so
- of wanting to hide our confusion when we try to tell and are told that our reality is ‘not true’
- of lying to placate the people who violated us
Others start wondering why we tell stories out of integrity and stop trusting us. They often think of us as aloof, distant, unloving and start withdrawing from loving interactions.
In a complex world of mirrors we lose the truth of the love we were meant to embody, to give and to receive.
- We bend ourselves out of our energetic and often also out of physical shape
- We start lying, most often unconsciously, to ourselves about what we like and want so we don’t have to use the vulnerable/wounded part of our being
- We start lying to others about what we really want from our lives and from our interaction with them
All it takes to break the cycle is for us to trust one person long enough and to allow that person to love us deeply enough that their love reminds us of the love of our Creator and RECONNECTS us, attunes us to the love of our Creator.
We KNOW this so deeply that abuse survivors are often desperate to be loved and held in love. Unfortunately they also unconsciously choose their loving partners from a place where the wound wants to play out again, be heard and create a different outcome this time, it hopes. This can lead to a series of painful relationships, either romantic or friendship, and break ups that create their own layers of violation and rejection.
- Some of us were lucky to find the loving friend or spouse that loved us back to Love.
- others work their way through self help books
- or are visited by an angel who transforms them
- or have a life experience that forces them to remember or to face their truth in a dramatic way (near death experience, life threatening illness, loss of a loved one a career or a home etc).
- Some need the help of a trustworthy and compassionate healer or therapist (yes, you can call me and set up an appointment, I am an abuse recovery expert and have gone through it myself).
Most of us who recovered from the violation of abuse did so through a combination of all the above to create self love and restore our integrity.