The most wonderful Dan Hays wrote this comment in response to my Enjoying Changing Relationships post: “Some people who have been in my life were “dragging me down” and I’ve noticed myself letting them go and backing away from them. Some who are supposedly there for me, I suddenly realized weren’t as emotionally invested in the events of my life as I had thought previously. Things that are important to me, they either don’t want to know about, or are politely, but disinterestedly supportive.
Yes, my relationships are shifting after “the shift” and you’ve helped me enormously in seeing what’s going on. I’m talking more – to those people who are on board. And for those who aren’t heading in a similar direction – I’m just not wasting my breath trying to share when they don’t really seem interested.”
Dan mentions several points that have been very prominent in my life in the past few weeks:
1- The necessity to let go of the people who are dragging us down is still very much there. As we move (sail? swim?) to new shores, we cannot afford to carry dead weight. I personally don’t have the energy to drag unwilling parties and I have a responsibility to get to where I am going and to do the work I am doing on the way. That is my soul contract (more about that in this blog on Aug 14).
2- When someone in our lives is “politely but disinterestedly supportive” or “not emotionally invested” I think that is a real energy drain, an energy leak f0r us. Because we have not been openly antagonized and we are the kind loving type, we keep trying to engage. Because there has been no animosity we look unreasonable for ‘making a fuss’.
That is what I call being ‘politely rude’, one of the most silent but deadly weapons against love, friendships and relationships: the emotionally disengaged, cold, polite relationship. Where NOTHING happens. Worse: where we are undermined silently and daily because we are not supported, because we are not actively loved. Love is not an emotion, it is a verb. Love is an action. So when we politely disengage, we politely stop loving and we politely stop creating life.
3- Which brings me to the last point: CREATE new friendships, new relationships, more support. Love yourself: create more loving support for yourself and life will flow in a meaningful, engaged, creative way.