Allowing Yourself to Receive
A very good friend offered some help yesterday. “No thank you, there is no need, I got this” was the answer from this very capable experienced single Mom whose secret mission is to save the whole entire world on her own. It’s been my mission for as long as I can remember. Read: infancy. Now you know there’s an issue right there at the crux of that response!
This morning I woke up realizing I had most probably hurt his feelings and that his intentions were good. No need to create ill will. So it got me thinking: why do I do it? Why do I push people away when they want to help me?
Let’s peel the layer of this onion.
It used to be because I felt unworthy of their help. Undeserving. Last spring I worked on self image and therefore self-esteem issues so I thought I was good to go when we solved that.
It came up that I hated the sound of my own voice. Healed that with a wonderful music teacher who is also a great healer. I am ok with my voice now. We’re friends.
Then I met @38harmony who taught me how to breathe and correct my posture for enhanced health and energy. All sorts of feelings came up then. “Keep breathing” he says calmly with a knowing smile. So I keep breathing and letting go.
I realized this morning that I push people away because I “don’t want to be a burden to them”. OK, where did THAT come from? Long boring story about my birth creating heavy responsibility on young parents, no money and the resulting shame creating social isolation. As an infant I absorbed my parents’ emotions and believed them to be my own. It took me over 40 years to get to that? aaarrrrgghhhhh! There’s more to it but all in the same vein and I think I’ve made my point. You can fill in the blank with your personal life details if this story resonates with you.
Good news is I called, apologized, said I’d love to accept the help and to learn differently and better. Getting there…
Do YOU allow yourself to receive from others?